The Nutcracker Panto! Sample

This is one of those gloriously daft tongue-twisting routines which might drive your cast round the bend in rehearsal, but when delivered with confidence and élan, will get lots of laughs.

Verruca (Smirking) You’ll be left with nothing, O King Lolly, but the shapeless shirt upon your back!

He laughs hideously.

“Dramatic” Chord

Lolly (Innocently; standing up) What shapeless shirt?

Verruca (Caught on the hop) Sorry?

Lolly This shapeless shirt?

Miasma That shapeless shirt, surely?

Popsy (Standing up) Whose shapeless shirt?

Verruca Your shapeless shirt!

Lolly (To Verruca) Your shapeless shirt?

Verruca No! Your shapeless shirt!

Popsy He’s got two shapeless shirts.

Miasma Two shapeless shirts?

Lolly A short shapeless shirt and a shorter shapeless shirt.

Verruca Eh? How can you tell the difference?

Popsy The short shapeless shirt’s shabby-chic.

Verruca A shabby-chic shirt?

Popsy A shoddy, shabby-chic shirt.

Verruca Shoddy, shabby-chic?

Lolly But my shorter shapeless shirt’s shiny.

Popsy With a sheen.

Verruca You’ve got a short shapeless shirt with a sheen?

Miasma And a shorter, shapeless, shoddy, shabby-chic shirt?

Lolly No, silly. The short shirt’s a shapeless, shoddy, shabby-chic and the shorter shapeless shirt’s got the shiny sheen.

Miasma (Aside) I’m losing the will to live…

Lolly No… I tell a lie! I’ve got three shirts.

Miasma and Verruca groan.

Verruca Is that one a short, shabby-chic shirt with a sheen?

Popsy No. It’s sheer, sharp and shimmering.

Miasma So, it’s a shiny shirt…?

Popsy (Sighing) The shorter one’s shiny… Oh, do keep up!

Lolly I’ve got a sort of a short, shapeless, shoddy, shabby-chic shirt…

Popsy A shorter, shapeless shirt with a shiny sheen…

Both And a sharp, sheer, shimmering shirt!

Verruca (To Miasma) I need some shut-eye! I’m shattered…

Miasma (Yelling) Shaddap!

Lolly (To Popsy) Think I should mention me slinky slippers…?

SYNOPSIS          CAST