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The Legend of Cinderella

The scene is Britney and Cher’s boudoir, where are getting ready to go to the Great Gathering.

Cher C’mon, Britney. We’ve got to get a drift on, or we’ll be late for the Prince’s party.  Yer “Carmen’s” will get caramelized. If ye keep them in any longer ye’ll start picking up Radio Clyde.


Britney Shut it, you. I’ve had a very trying day.


Cher So have I. The postman tried… the milkman tried…


Britney Shall we exercise a wee bit patience? (Takes out her rollers) Beauty like mine doesn’t happen overnight. It takes skill, panache…


Cher Sandpaper…


Britney Sandpaper… What do ye mean, “sandpaper”? I use a “Brillo Pad”, and well you know it. Cheek.


Cher Pass me that bottle of Salad Cream.


Britney passes her the bottle. She scrapes the cream off her face and back into the bottle.


Cher Waste not, want not.


Britney (Searching her table) Powder puff…


Cher Fat bum!


Britney I meant, where’s my powder puff? (Finds it) Where’s yon scouring powder ?


She dips the powder puff into the scouring powder and liberally dusts her face with it, covering Cher with it.  

 

Cher What do ye use on yer armpits… “Brasso”?


Britney Nut… “Harpic”.


Cher As I thought. Completely round the bend.


Cher applies “lipstick” - a jar of jam. Britney picks up a small mirror to admire herself and does a double-take.


Britney Eek! Who’s that?


Hands the mirror to Cher, who looks in it.


Cher Me.


She hands it back.


Britney Thank goodness. I thought it was me.


Cher See that Prince? I’m gonna be over him all night, like a rash.


She stands up ready to undress. Britney joins her.


Britney I hope he’s got “The Curse of the Desert”… Wandering palms!


She begins to undress. Cher stops her.


Cher You’re not gong to strip, are ye? Nobody wants to see yer “Birthday Suit”, thank you very much.


Britney What’s wrong with my “Birthday Suit”?


Cher Last time I looked it needed ironing.


Britney At least I ain’t had a visit from the Cellulite Fairy.


They are about to come to blows when they notice the Audience.


Cher Wait a minute… We can’t get undressed in front of them.


Britney (Thinks about it) Well… If they look, they look!


They shrug.


Both Oh, aren’t we adorable? Oh, yes we are!


Comedy “Striptease” Routine


Both are now in ridiculous-looking “underwear”.


Britney Here! I love yer “unmentionables”. What is they? “Janet Reger”?


Cher Nut… “Tupperware”.


Britney Is that not a wee thing uncomfortable?


Cher Aye… But it keeps everything fresh.


SYNOPSIS          CAST