© AA Pantos 2020
© AA Pantos 2017
The Legend of Cinderella
The scene is Britney and Cher’s boudoir, where are getting ready to go to the Great Gathering.
Cher C’mon, Britney. We’ve got to get a drift on, or we’ll be late for the Prince’s party. Yer “Carmen’s” will get caramelized. If ye keep them in any longer ye’ll start picking up Radio Clyde.
Britney Shut it, you. I’ve had a very trying day.
Cher So have I. The postman tried… the milkman tried…
Britney Shall we exercise a wee bit patience? (Takes out her rollers) Beauty like mine doesn’t happen overnight. It takes skill, panache…
Britney Sandpaper… What do ye mean, “sandpaper”? I use a “Brillo Pad”, and well you know it. Cheek.
Cher Pass me that bottle of Salad Cream.
Britney passes her the bottle. She scrapes the cream off her face and back into the bottle.
Cher Waste not, want not.
Britney (Searching her table) Powder puff…
Cher Fat bum!
Britney I meant, where’s my powder puff? (Finds it) Where’s yon scouring powder ?
She dips the powder puff into the scouring powder and liberally dusts her face with it, covering Cher with it.
Cher What do ye use on yer armpits… “Brasso”?
Britney Nut… “Harpic”.
Cher As I thought. Completely round the bend.
Cher applies “lipstick” -
Britney Eek! Who’s that?
Hands the mirror to Cher, who looks in it.
She hands it back.
Britney Thank goodness. I thought it was me.
Cher See that Prince? I’m gonna be over him all night, like a rash.
She stands up ready to undress. Britney joins her.
Britney I hope he’s got “The Curse of the Desert”… Wandering palms!
She begins to undress. Cher stops her.
Cher You’re not gong to strip, are ye? Nobody wants to see yer “Birthday Suit”, thank you very much.
Britney What’s wrong with my “Birthday Suit”?
Cher Last time I looked it needed ironing.
Britney At least I ain’t had a visit from the Cellulite Fairy.
They are about to come to blows when they notice the Audience.
Cher Wait a minute… We can’t get undressed in front of them.
Britney (Thinks about it) Well… If they look, they look!
Both Oh, aren’t we adorable? Oh, yes we are!
Comedy “Striptease” Routine
Both are now in ridiculous-
Britney Here! I love yer “unmentionables”. What is they? “Janet Reger”?
Cher Nut… “Tupperware”.
Britney Is that not a wee thing uncomfortable?
Cher Aye… But it keeps everything fresh.
|Babes in the Wood|
|The Legend of Cinderella|
|The Adventures of Dick Whittington|
|The Emperor's New Clothes|
|The Golden Fleece|
|Jack and the Jabberwock|
|Jason and the Argo-Nuts!|
|Little Bo Peep|
|Little Red Riding Hood|
|The Nutcracker Panto!|
|Puss in Boots|
|The Amazing Adventures of Sherbert Dipp|
|Sleeping Beauty & The Beast|
|The Snow Queen|
|Ali Baba Cast|
|Ali Baba Sample|
|Babes in the Wood Cast|
|Babes in the Wood Sample|
|The Legend of Cinderella Cast|
|The Legend of Cinderella Sample|
|The Adventures of Dick Whittington Cast|
|The Adventures of Dick Whittington Sample|
|The Emperor's New Clothes Cast|
|The Emperor's New Clothes Sample|
|The Golden Fleece Cast|
|The Golden Fleece Sample|
|Humpty Dumpty Cast|
|Humpty Dumpty Sample|
|Jack and The Jabberwock Cast|
|Jack and the Jabberwock sample|
|Little Bo Peep Cast|
|Little Bo Peep Sample|
|Little Red Riding Hood Cast|
|Little Red Riding Hood Sample|
|Mother Goose Cast|
|Mother Goose Sample|
|The Nutcracker Panto! Cast|
|The Nutcracker Panto! Sample|
|Puss in Boots Cast|
|Puss in Boots Sample|
|Robninson Crusoe Cast|
|Robinson Crusoe Sample|
|The Amazing Adventures of Sherbert Dipp Cast|
|The Amazing Adventures of Sherbert Dipp Sample|
|Sleeping Beauty & The Beast Cast|
|Sleeping Beauty & The Beast Sample|
|The Snow Queen Cast|
|The Snow Queen Sample|
|Sweeney Todd Cast|
|Sweeney Todd Sample|
|Aesops Fables Cast|
|Aesops Fables Sample|
|Entertaining Angels Cast|
|Entertaining Angels Sample|