The Adventures of Dick Whittington
Characters
Big Al Mascarpone
King
Rat
Whiffy
His
Rat Henchman
Mouldy
Another Rat Henchman
Fairy Wandsworth
A Streetwise
Sprite
Tomasso An Amazing Magical Cat
Dick Whittington Our
Humble Hero
Idle Jack Fitzwarren’s
Chief Apprentice
Dame Sponge
Fitzwarren’s Cook
Alice
Fitzwarren’s Daughter
Sir Folderol Fitzwarren
An
Alderman and Wealthy Merchant
Jian Chi A Mysterious
Femme-Fatale
Captain Yan Ying
Master of “The Orient Express”
The Emperor of China A
Kindly Old Soul
Princess Tao Shu
Chorus
of Rats, Fairies, Citizens of London,
Sailors & C.
Sample
Scene
This
scene is set in
the sewers beneath Old
London Town. Here we meet Big Al Mascarpone (aka King Rat), his two henchmen -
Whiffy and Mouldy, Fitzwarren's apprentice - Idle Jack and Jian Chi - the kind
of femme-fatale you wouldn't expect to meet in a sewer. Idle Jack is jealous of
Dick Whittington's attentions towards Fitzwarren's daughter, Alice and has been persuaded
by Whiffy and Mouldy to meet their boss, who has his own score to settle with
Whittington.
The
Lights come up on a dank, slime-encrusted Setting. We occasionally hear the
sound of water dripping. Big Al Mascarpone is seated on an old pile of broken
bricks and debris, surrounded by his Chorus of Rats.
Song:
Big Al Mascarpone & Chorus of Rats
After
the song, Whiffy and Mouldy drag in Jack and force him to kneel in front of
Mascarpone. They speak to him quietly. He laughs. While they’re doing this…
Jack
(To
Audience) What am
I kneeling on…? (Rubs his hands in it and smells) Pooh… Don’t half pong…!
(He shrugs and tastes it) Mmm… I’m getting fish…
I’m getting old socks… I’m
getting second-hand sprouts… Ooh!
I’m getting sick, that’s what
I’m getting!
Mascarpone
(Sniffing the air) Fee-fi-fo-fum!
I smell the whiff of a stinky bum! (To
Jack) Enough, you revolting human!
Jack
looks around him…
Jack
Yuk…
Rats! I ‘ates rats more than I ‘ates cats,
and no mistake!
Mascarpone
Silence,
you meaningless mass of moronic mortality!
Mascarpone
stands and towers over Jack.
Mascarpone Gaze
upon me, Big Al Mascarpone, King of all the Rats! Look, I say! Tell me? What do
you see?
Jack Right
up your nose, mate! Never heard of a hankie?
This
comment takes Mascarpone somewhat aback. Whiffy, Mouldy and the other Rats
giggle. He surreptitiously wipes his nose.
Mascarpone (To them) Shut it, you
slithering, snottery, slimy slop buckets!
Rats
Ooh, how rude…!
Mascarpone
(To Jack) Never
mind about that… Where was I? Oh, yes… You see before you someone who holds
you in my thrall. I have the power of life and death over you…
Whiffy
& Mouldy And
don’t you forget it, Sunshine.
Jack Ooh…
Get you.
Mascarpone
(Ignoring his remark) My
henchmen tell me you wish to revenge yourself upon Dick Whittington?
Jack
I’ve
changed me mind, Mister… Er…? Macaroni,
wasn’t it?
Whiffy
& Mouldy “Mascarpone…”
Jack
“My
Little Pony…” I
didn’t mean it though! Did I, Boys and Girls?
Audience
Participation.
Whiffy
& Mouldy Oh,
yes he did!
Audience
Participation ad lib.
Jack
I was
only thinking out loud, I was!
Mascarpone
Too late,
foolish, false and feeble youth! Too late… You will be my
instrument of revenge! Or die in the
attempt…!
Jack
stands up and confronts Mascarpone. He does a few “kung-fu” moves too.
Jack
What’s
your problem, mate?
Mascarpone
points to his scar.
Mascarpone
This… His father gave
me this and I ruined him! And I’ll ruin his son too, you just see if I
don’t! I followed the little fool to
London
, just to enact my revenge. And revenged I will be… With your
help. Mebbe do a bit of shoplifting and blame Dick? What say ye? Yea or nay?
Jack
(Hesitating)
Oh, no I won’t!
Mascarpone Oh,
yes you will!
Audience Participation.
Mascarpone
(With resignation) Very
well…
Jack
wipes his brow. Mascarpone suddenly swings around and addresses his Chorus of
Rats.
Mascarpone He
is of little use… Dispose of him!
Music
The
Rats slowly approach Jack – suddenly we hear a Female Voice off, echoing.
Female
Voice Leave
him to me, O King Rat!
The
voice belongs to Jian Chi, who slinks
in. Whiffy and Mouldy positively drool over her. Mascarpone smiles.
Whiffy Ding
dong!
Mouldy Is
that a Babe, or what?
Jian
Chi (To them) Down, boys…
Mascarpone
Well!
Jian Chi…! My little Oriental “sharp tooth”… You’re a long way from
China
! What brings you to
Old
London
Town
?
Whiffy
(Aside, to Mouldy) I
thought she was all part of the plot…?
Mouldy
(Aside) Shut it… The
Audience ain’t supposed to know that!
Jian Chi I
need your help, my King.
Mascarpone
How did
you find me?
Jian
Chi (Unsubtly) I saw the
posters outside the theatre…
Whiffy
(To Audience) Saves so
much explanation…
Mouldy
(Ditto) In the long
run…
Jian
Chi I
stowed away upon a ship from
China
, bound for
London
. It returns tomorrow on the first tide,
bound for
Peking
…
Whiffy
(Aside, to Mouldy) I’d
like to get ‘er on a slow boat to
China
…
Jian
Chi Anyway…
You help me, my King, and I’ll help you.
Mascarpone
(Interested) Explain…?
Jian
Chi I
need your help to steal the
Emperor’s most treasured possession.
Mascarpone Treasure…?
Jian
Chi Such
a treasure as to rule the world!
Mascarpone silently schemes…
Jian
Chi In return for your aid,
I’ll help you to frame Dick Whittington.
Mascarpone I’m
listening…
Jian Chi The
captain of the ship meets this day with a certain “Alderman Fitzwarren”…
They’re meeting in his shop…
Jack,
Whiffy & Mouldy Emporium…
Jian
Chi (Ignoring them) With a bag
of gold to seal the transaction with the Emperor. So, we get that fool… (Points
to Jack) to steal the gold and blame and frame Dick Whittington!
Whiffy
& Mouldy Ooh,
what larks!
Mascarpone
laughs.
Mascarpone
And in
return…?
Jian
Chi You
take over the ship, steal the treasure, destroy the Emperor… And
we’ll both rule the world!
Mascarpone
& Jian Chi (Aside)
Share the treasure with him/her? Fat chance…
They both laugh.
Jack
You’re
forgetting one tiny detail, sweetie… I won’t
steal the gold, so there!
Jian
Chi Oh,
yes you will!
Audience
Participation. Suddenly the stage darkens and a green light illuminates Jian Chi
and Jack.
“Creepy”
Music
Jian
Chi starts to hypnotise Jack, who puts on a most peculiar face. The Chorus of
Rats exit.
The
Tabs Close
The
Scene continues Front of Curtain.
Jian Chi Look
into my eyes…!
Whiffy
& Mouldy We’re
looking… We’re looking!
Jian Chi Not
you pair… Honestly! (To Jack) Look
deeply into my eyes! You are under my spell…
Jack
(Getting
woozy) You are under my spell!
Jian
Chi No! You are under my spell…
Jack
No… You
are under my spell!
Jian Chi Repeat
every thing I say…
Jack Repeat
every thing I say!
Jian
Chi No…
Repeat every thing I say…
Jack
No…
Repeat everything I say!
Jian
Chi Gimme
strength…
She
casts her spell…
Jian
Chi “Whenever someone mentions
cheese, to steal the gold will be a breeze!”
Jack
“Whenever
someone mentions freeze, I’ll get a cold and then I’ll sneeze!”
Jian
Chi Where
did you find him…?
She repeats it until he finally remembers it. Mascarpone and Jian Chi laugh
wickedly.
Jian Chi When
you’re under the spell, you’ll do everything
you’re asked to do!
Jack slowly nods his head, repeating everything she’s said under his breath.
Jian Chi Only
when I snap my fingers will you be released from the spell!
Jack
repeats this too.
Mascarpone Right,
you pair… Take him back to where you found him.
Whiffy and Mouldy exit with a confused and still woozy Jack.
Jack (As
he exits, woozily) Do I get my lollipop now…?
Jian Chi (To
Mascarpone) This very night we’ll meet at
Fitzwarren’s Shop…
Mascarpone
Emporium…
Jian
Chi And leave the rest to
me! (Laughs wickedly)
Mascarpone By hook, by
crook, by tooth and claw I’m brewin’,
Such
deeds to drive young Whittington to ruin!
They
both laugh evilly. Jian Chi exits.
Mascarpone Once Dick
Whittington is exposed as naught but a common criminal, my revenge will be
complete! I said I’d ruin him, didn’t I? (Laughs) Still, I have bigger fish to fry… Smellier cheese to chew
on! As for this Treasure Jian Chi
speaks of…? Whittington’s ruination will be as nothing… For, when I get my claws on it, every year will be “The Year of the Rat!”
The Lights fade
on him, still laughing.
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