The Snow Queen
Characters
SIBERNIA The Snow Queen
JACK FROST Her Half-Baked Henchman
SNOWDROP Queen of the Winter Fairies
GERDA Kai’s
Older Sister & Our Heroine!
GRANDMA GRETCHEN Kai and Gerda’s Grandmother
KAI Gerda’s Young Brother
GOOSEPIMPLES A Crow
NIPPY A Raven
PRINCE BOREAS Prince of the Winter Realms & Our
Hero!
DRIZZLE The Prince’s Reindeer
SNAFFLES THE SNEAKY A Robber Hag
OLD NIKOLAJ A Mysterious Old Peasant
Chorus of Citizens; Stall-Holders;
Frosties; Ice-Trolls; Penguins;
Robbers; Snowflakes; & C.
Sample Scene
Let's start at the very
beginning, a very good place to start... (feel a song coming on here!)... where
we meet Grandma Gretchen, Sibernia, Jack Frost and Snowdrop... and our story
unfolds.
Act One
Scene 1: The Snow Queen’s Ice-Palace
Music
Dry-ice and mysterious “Northern Lights” fills the stage. We can just make
out the shapes of Ice-Trolls seated
and hunched; some others crawling around. All are cackling. We hear the voice of
Grandma Gretchen narrating. The Music
underscores her narration.
Gretchen (Voice-over) Once upon
a time, long before our World began,
when coldest Winter covered the Earth, there was an evil and insidious
Ice-Troll, a demonic kind of Hobgoblin, who wrought and fashioned a mirror; a
Malevolent Mirror of the wickedest kind. Anyone who dared to stare into it would
become hideous and ugly! And their hearts would twist and distort and turn to
ice! The sort of ice than cannot melt! Oh, how that Ice-Troll laughed!
The Lights slowly reveal Sibernia, the Snow Queen, who is seated on her Throne of Ice. She
looks totally bored.
Gretchen (Voice-over) And soon
the years passed… And still the Ice-Trolls, along with a certain Jack Frost, guarded the mirror… until one day they could use its
evil upon Mankind! And so, it came to pass when, one day, their Snow Queen, the
spiteful Sibernia, who ruled the Lands of the Ice-Trolls, thought of a way to
impose it upon the Lands of Mortal Men…
Her voice slowly fades. The Ice-Trolls
suddenly begin to dance for their Queen.
Dance
of the Ice-Trolls
She tires of the Dance and stops them,
before they launch into a reprise of their routine.
Sibernia Enough!
I know to entertain me is your duty…
But, you Ice-Trolls bore
me when you shake your booty!
The Ice-Trolls are quite incensed with
this remark and complain amongst themselves.
1st Ice-Troll (Camp)
Ooh, the cheeky cat! See me? I danced on the last
Madonna video![1]
2nd Ice-Troll
Me too! Wasn’t them outfits too, too
butch?
They all compare what they’ve done
in the past. She blows a whistle to silence them. She picks on the smallest and
weakest of them. He shrivels at her feet.
Sibernia Look upon your
Queen of Snow and thrill!
Who’s only got one message for
you… chill! (Laughs)
Whose heart of ice commands the Northern Lights,
Whose thoughts of snow-storms entertains my nights!
You know I hold you Ice-Trolls in my sway,
So think of something that’ll make
my day!
Something really evil, quite depraved…
Come on now… Or I’ll have you microwaved!
The one she initially picked on
faints. The others have to think fast. Sibernia pretends to be the clock on
“Countdown”! One of the Trolls puts up his hand.
3rd Ice-Troll Well,
O Sibernia… There’s always your Malevolent
Mirror, he said with a gulp?
Sibernia What
about it?
3rd Ice-Troll Well,
it’s really evil, ain’t it?
The others agree. She begins to warm
to the idea.
1st Ice-Troll A
bit like you really… And, as it’s getting near Christmas-time?
2nd Ice-Troll
(Indicating Audience) And
seeing as how you hate them Mortals out there…?
She looks at the Audience with utter
contempt.
Sibernia Would
you look at ‘em… Even uglier than last year’s lot.
3rd Ice-Troll You
could put one over on all them
Mortals…
All Three And make one of them
your slave!
They all laugh hideously. The one who
fainted comes to and joins in with the hilarity.
Sibernia One slave? (Thinks)
A nasty thought forms in me mind,
To let me mirror enslave all
Mankind!
Should any Mortal dare to look into
it,
It twists, distorts the Souls of those who view it!
But what if I transformed it into dust…?
Then into Mankind’s hearts it could
be thrust! (Laughs)
I’ll smash it, crush it, pulverise its form,
And get Jack Frost to blow up such a
storm!
With winds and hailstorms I’ll pursue my goal,
Of twisting and distorting every Human
Soul! (She laughs; calls)
Bring forth the Guardian of my Malevolent Mirror!
All (Calling)
Jack Frost! Jack Frost! Oh, Frostie-Wostie!
After several attempts at summoning
him he fails to appear. As they are waiting for him, the 3rd Troll takes the one
who fainted aside.
3rd Ice-Troll Did
the Snow Queen scare you, then?
4th Ice-Troll
Scare me? I went and icicled
meself…
She calls for him again. They finally resort to getting the Audience to call for
him. The Frosties appear, heralding
Jack Frost’s entrance. They sort of “rap” to a drum beat.
Frosties Who’s
the guy who blows up quite a breeze?
Who’s the guy who’ll make
your assets freeze?
Who’s the guy who loves his “Frostie Dollies”?
Who’s the guy who makes the best ice-lollies?
Who’s the fella that’s a great big meanie…?
Come on Frostie-Man and ice my Martini!
Music
Jack Frost enters.
He is carrying the Magic Mirror.
He hands it to one of the Trolls.
Song:
Jack Frost & Co.
Jack (To
Audience) Is it me, or is it warm? Like the
outfit, by the way? Got it at ‘The House of Freezer’. (He
laughs) This is the standard of jokes, folks. So, you’d better get used to
it…
He turns his attention to his “Frosties”. They giggle and simper.
Jack They follow me
everywhere! I call them me “Frosties”, because they’re really g…r…eat!
Sibernia (Miffed at being ignored) Ahem!
Jack Sorry…
(He bows before her) I bow before
thee, O Most Malicious Mivvi!
Sibernia Bring
forth the Malevolent Mirror, wrought and fashioned by an ‘orrible ‘Obgoblin,
before the World began!
Jack Command
and I obey, O Slightly Seasoned Sibernia! I shall
bring forth thy, er… Thingy… Wotsit… Malodorous
Memoir, fought and rationed by an enormous gobstopper, before the… Er,
before the… Where the breezy brimstone did I put it? Any idea, you lot?
He can’t remember where he put. He
eventually has to ask the Audience. He then stands in line with the Ice-Trolls
who pass it along. He skips towards her, trips and the mirror flies out of
hands. It lands off-stage, followed by a loud smashing noise. He grins inanely
at her. The Ice-Trolls mutter amongst themselves.
Ice-Trolls That’ll
be seven years’ bad luck then…
Jack (Grovelling)
I would say “oops”, but that don’t quite
cover it…
Sibernia Fool!
That mirror was forged a million years ago!
Jack Well, at least it
wasn’t new, eh?
Sibernia (To one of the Ice-Trolls) Bring
forth what’s left of the Malevolent
Memoir… Mirror!
She sighs. An Ice-Troll exits and
re-enters with the mirror – very badly twisted and cracked. He hands it to her
and she looks at it. There now follows a particularly terrible Panto joke…
Sibernia Aargh…
Who’s that?
Jack (Looking
at it) Me…?
Sibernia Thank
goodness… I thought it was me.
Jack (To
Audience) Sorry about that. I told you this was
the standard of jokes… (To her) What
a state, eh? All twisted and cracked… Never mind, eh? And, as for the mirror…
(Laughs) As for the mirror, I said… Why ain’t you laughing? (To
the Others) Why ain’t she laughing?
She takes a swipe at him, but he ducks. Laughing because she missed him, he
bends over and she kicks him, sending him flying. As he recovers, she lays the
mirror on the ground and casts a spell.
Evil,
Mysterious Music
The “Northern Lights” glow a
mysterious red.
Sibernia With
ice-storms, ice-floes… And, er, ice-cream, I alone
Send out this spell to chill
thee to the bone!
With winds and hailstorms I’ll pursue my goal,
Of twisting and distorting every Human
Soul!
Come, crush this mirror, pulverise its form,
And get Jack Frost to blow up such a
storm!
Black-Out
The sound of howling winds and
blizzards. When it subsides, the Lights come back up again and the mirror has
vanished. In its place is a blue-silvery pouch. She picks it up and hands it to
Jack.
Jack What’s
this then? A Lucky-Bag?
Sibernia Pulverised
speculum.
Jack (Aghast)
There’s no need to be rude, you know! I just
asked.
Sibernia It’s
the remains of the mirror, you frosted
fruitcake!
Music:
Theme from “
Mission
Impossible”
Sibernia Your
mission, should you choose to accept it, is to enter the World of Mortal Men…
Once there, open the pouch and blow its silver spores into the eyes of every
unwitting victim! Soon, its evil will twist and distort their Souls, turning
their hearts into ice! All, all shall be enslaved! Oh, such evil thoughts fill
my brain, I can’t even rhyme anymore! (Laughs;
suddenly) Summon me when your first
victim is infected. That person shall be my companion, and thus spend eternity
with me!
Jack But,
why?
Sibernia (Snapping at him) Just
humour me, okay?
He shrugs.
Sibernia Where
was I…? Oh, yes… This is your
Mission
! You’re trousers will now self-destruct in five seconds!
Jack Eh?
There is a loud bang and his trousers
fall down! The Ice-Trolls howl with laughter. Even the Frosties giggle.
Jack Curse those baked
beans!
He pulls his trousers back up again. He tearfully approaches Sibernia.
Jack You
know… I look upon you as the… (Sobs)
Mother I’ve never had.
Sibernia And
I look upon you as the Son I’ve never wanted… Now, begone!
He tearfully waves goodbye to the
Ice-Trolls. He and the Frosties exit through the Audience. She
smirks and ascends her throne.
Sibernia (To the Ice-Trolls) Now you
can dance for me! Some form of ‘ideous ‘okey-cokey!
She laughs insanely as the Ice-Trolls
reprise their dance. As they dance, the Lights slowly fade.
The Tabs Close
Fairy
Music
The Snowflakes
enter, heralding the entrance of Snowdrop,
Queen of the Winter Fairies.
Dance
of the Snowflakes
Snowdrop
comes tripping in near the end of their dance, tries to join in but stumbles
over something and goes flying. She dusts herself down and tries to regain her
dignity.
Snowdrop Approach,
my snappy Snowflakes! Form a Fairy Ring!
The Snowflakes overdo it and crowd closely to her. She has to push them off. She
sighs.
Snowdrop (Deep baritone) There’s
Evil on the breeze, so we must do the decent thing!
One of the smallest of the Snowflakes
is still clinging to her. Snowdrop picks her up and deposits her somewhere else.
Snowdrop Where
was I…? (Runs quickly through the above
rhyming couplet. To the Audience) Not bad, eh? I thought that was rather
dignified, don’t you think? With just the teensiest bit of assertiveness
chucked in. Well, not so much “chucked”, more lightly
sprinkled! What do you think, eh? I said, what do you think? (Looks
into Audience) Anybody out there? What is this? A staring competition? Well,
don’t just sit there! Say something? Even if its, “I want to go home and
watch the X Factor”… What do you mean, you don’t know who I am?
One of the Snowflakes whispers in her
ear.
Snowdrop Oh,
how rude of moi…! I haven’t
introduced meself. (She shakes her own
hands) How do you do? (Faces the
opposite way) No… How do you do?
(Laughs) Just kidding! (Dignified)
I am the Queen of the Winter Fairies, sailing daily from
Hull
to Zeebrugge! Sorry, that’s ferries,
ain’t it…? Anyway, you can call me “Snowdrop”. Or, if I’ve got a
bit of a cold coming on, “Snowdrip”…
(Noisily blows her nose. She examines her hankie and sings) “‘Snot
unusual”… Where was I? Oh, yes… And on special occasions, by Royal
Appointment only and with a letter of introduction, “Snookums”… It’s a Scandinavian word, you know? “Snookums”, that is. Oh, yes.
Means, “Danish Pastry, well past its sell-by date”!
Song:
Snowdrop & Snowflakes
Snowdrop See
that Snow Queen? That Sibernia? I wouldn’t say she was nasty… But she’d
give “Freddy Krueger” nightmares… You know, I never thought she’d ever
use that mirror of her’s. But she’ll be wasting her time! What she doesn’t
know is, that when that wicked Hobgoblin fashioned the mirror all these years
ago, the Winter Fairies sprinkled the teensiest bit of Fairy
Dust all over it, when the Hobgoblin wasn’t looking! You’ll never guess
what that Fairy Dust will do, if Jack Frost tries to use it! (Winks) Just you wait and see! (Laughs)
She’ll get Jack Frost “to blow up such a storm”, will she? I’ll put
the wind up him as well!
Realises what she’s said and laughs.
No one else does. One of the Snowflakes whispers to her.
Snowdrop (To the Snowflake) Do
you think I should? Teach them the “Winter Fairy Spell”? I dunno…
The Snowflakes urge her on.
Snowdrop I
suppose it’ll come in handy, eh? (To the
Audience) Would you like to help me out, Boys and Girls? All you big Boys
and Girls as well? Put one over on the Snow Queen and
Jack Frost too?
Audience Participation.
Snowdrop Now,
this “Winter Fairy Spell” is very
important! We’ll let you know when
to use it, mind! So, here goes…
She and the Snowflakes teach the
Audience the Spell. The Lights fade, illuminating them.
Snowdrop & Snowflakes Evil magic now
depart,
And
melt the ice within the heart!
They make sure the Audience remembers it.
Snowdrop Attend,
my Snowflakes! Form another ring!
The Snowflakes form another ring around Snowdrop – crowding her
as usual. She pushes them away again, but one of the smallest of them still
clings to her.
Snowdrop See
you, sweetheart? I wish you wouldn’t cling…
She deposits her somewhere else. She comes back again and clings on. Snowdrop
sighs.
Snowdrop To
curse Mankind the Snow Queen is engrossed!
Let’s put the hems on her and
yon Jack… Er, Froast!
Attend, my Snowflakes! Let’s leave these Wintry Portals,
And flut and floater to… Er,
float and flutter to the
Land
of
Mortals
!
The Snowflakes barge off, knocking
Snowdrop out of the way. She mutters under her breath and tries to skip off,
with the smallest Snowflake still clinging to her. The Lights fade.
Music
Grandma Gretchen continues
her voice-over, underscored by the music.
Gretchen And
so Fairy Snowdrop followed Jack Frost into the Lands of Mortal Men, doing
everything within her power to foil the Snow Queen’s evil plans. She shadowed
his every move, followed his every step… Making sure she and her Snowflakes were always around when Jack Frost came
a-calling! Oh, how he was miffed! Oh, how he just wanted to give up! But he had
to follow Sibernia’s wishes, even if it was just only one person he could
enslave. Then, one cold and wintry day, he blew into the wonderful town of Copenhagen
… Looking to find at least one
unwitting victim…!
The Music fades.
And
so we're off to Copenhagen... but to get there, you'll need the rest of the script!
CLICK HERE and
you're back at the beginning again! Magic!
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