Entertaining Angels

Characters

THE STRANGER A Mysterious Visitor
LILITH Another Mysterious Visitor
MIKE GABRIEL Boss of “The Jongleur’s Travelling Circus”
CHERRY High-Wire and Trapeze Artiste
ANGELO Her Husband and Partner
COLL An Older Clown
GIBBIE Another Clown
DAVIE A Young Clown
MARY Mike’s Daughter
JOE CARPENTER Her Husband

CLOWNS, CIRCUS ARTISTES & CO

Sample Scene

In this first edited extract from “Entertaining Angels”, Mike meets “The Stranger”….

  Scene 2: Mike Gabriel’s Office

Mike takes off his hat and jacket, sits at his desk and looks thoroughly miserable. He picks up a framed photograph and looks longingly at it. With a sudden burst of anger he slams it down on the desk, face down. He opens a cash box and looks inside, despairingly. Lilith appears at the back and taps the filing cabinet. He stands and goes towards it and takes out a bottle of whisky. He is about to open it when there’s a knock at the door, off.

Mike It’s open…

Cherry, Angelo and the Principal Clowns enter. They look at each other, wondering which one should speak first. Mike eyes each of them up, making them slightly more uncomfortable.

Mike Well… One of you speak. I’m a busy man. Got to count the box-office takings… All, what is it…? Forty quid’s worth.

Coll Funny you should say that, boss…

Gibbie It’s about the box-office takings.

Mike What about them? Wanting your cut, are we?

Others No, boss… Never even gave it a second thought, boss…

Davie We’ve got this idea. You know, about bringing in bigger audiences.

Mike Yeah? You mean more than, what, ten people? Like we had in tonight? Do tell.

Angelo (Big announcement) We do “The Circus Nativity”!

Mike snorts disdainfully.

Cherry Think about it, boss. A nativity play in the Big Top! People will be so intrigued, they’ll have to come and see it! Gibbie’s found this really old play we could perform.

Gibbie All we do is add all the circus elements.

Angelo Angels on the flying trapeze, that sort of thing…?

Cherry You’re not convinced, are you? (To the others) I said he wouldn’t be. You know what he’s like…

Mike Are you guys being serious? A “Circus Nativity”? Oh, yeah. I can see it all now… A pantomime cow jumping through burning hoops! Oh, and the Innkeeper! He’ll be a hoot. “Sorry, no room at the inn!” he’ll say and get a pie in the face for his troubles. (Bitterly) Hark, the Herald Angels sing! It’ll pack ‘em in… Not.

Gibbie We could be the “Shepherds”, doing a bit of knockabout, you know…? Then there’s a sheep in the play, isn’t there? But, who’d play the Sheep?

Coll One of your kids, Angelo… Holly or Ivy?

Angelo They’re both full grown…

He realises what he’s said and they all laugh, except Mike.

Davie We could do all the great routines! Throw buckets of water at the Audience…!

Coll “The Levitation Gag”, too! Then there’s a bit of juggling and some audience participation. Nice bits of pathos chucked in, too! I’ll be in me element!

Mike It all sounds terrific fun… Who’s gonna play Mary and Joseph?

Cherry One would have thought it was rather obvious…

Gibbie You and Angelo? Talk about the suspension of disbelief! Mind you, Angelo’s about the right age for Joseph. He’ll soon be drawing his Bus Pass … But, you as Mary? Two words, love… “Job Description”.

Mike (Angrily) Forget it, eh? I’ve got enough on my plate without staging some kind of stupid Sunday school nativity play… It has no place in the circus! Stick to what you guys know best. (Sighs) Look, just get out… Please?

The others leave, still arguing. Mike sighs, goes back to the desk, takes out a glass, pours himself a drink and proposes a toast to the photograph.

Mike Absent friends!

He is about to drink when The Stranger appears.

Stranger That’s not the answer, my friend.

Mike How would you know…? (Looking round) How did you get in here? Who are you anyway? From the Inland Revenue?

Stranger Nope. Higher authority.

Mike Cheque’s in the post, mate.

The Stranger picks up the photo and admires it.

Stranger Nice photo of your daughter. Mary, isn’t it? Did you go to their wedding? They made a lovely couple. “Mary and Joseph Carpenter”… That’s right, isn’t it? Her husband’s called “Joe”… Joseph? Oh, how the coincidences keep piling up, eh?

Mike I had other plans…

Mike snatches it back.

Lilith (Aside, to The Stranger) Ah, me… The human heart and spirit!

Mike Mind your own business… It’s private. (Sees Lilith) Who’s “Cruella De Ville”?

The Stranger laughs. Lilith bristles.

Stranger Temper, temper… They’ve got a kid, I believe. A wee boy?

Mike Yeah… I’ve heard.

Stranger So, what’s wrong with the idea of a “Circus Nativity”? Sound like a great idea… Hey! Could I be in it? I could do a bit of juggling… I’m a bit of an amateur magician too. I love circuses, me. Been there, done that, bought the tea-towel.

Lilith Does your circus do tea-towels? Didn’t think so.

Stranger Ignore her, Mike… So, what about it? You gonna do it then? And let me be in it?

Mike Your joking, yeah?

Stranger Dunno… Might work.

Mike Who are you? Whose she…?

Stranger (Ignoring him) Could be great fun. Very entertaining, if you want my opinion.

Mike I don’t, as a matter of fact.

Stranger Have you read the Good Book, Mike…? I may call you “Mike”?

Mike You may… May I have your names? You’re in my office, giving me a hard time and stopping me from drowning my sorrows, so we should at least be formally introduced.

Stranger Should you? I suppose you should really. Mine’s the same name as yours, funnily enough. What another coincidence, eh?

Mike Your name’s “Mike”?

Stranger If you say so…

Lilith He’s not got a clue, has he? (To Mike) You can call me “Lil”. I’m not a stickler for formality, Michael. (Giggling) Terribly fiendish of me, I know.

Stranger Anyway, as I was saying… Have you read the Good Book?

Mike You mean, “Harry Potter”?

Lilith laughs.

Stranger No… The other Good Book? I don’t mean “The Da Vinci Code” either…

Mike (Suddenly realising) Oh? That Good Book? Not since I was about ten… I had one with lovely illustrations, I remember. Really beautiful…

Lilith And the contents, Mike? All “spin”, matey. All “spin”… (Walks away)

Mike Anyway. Your point being?

Stranger There’s a lot you can learn from it, Mikey, me old son. There’s one bit, quite charming really, about “strangers”. (Smiles) “Always entertain strangers…” Like me, eh?

Mike Sorry, you’ve lost me.

Stranger Do the “Circus Nativity”, Mike. My boss would like you too as well.

Mike What does your boss know about running a circus?

Stranger You’d be surprised… Look, I can get you the audience, if you’ll let me. You could be “entertaining angels unawares”. I’m paraphrasing, by the way…

Mike “Entertaining angels”? What are you talking about? Look… It just won’t work. Honestly.

Stranger I bet it could… Want to see?

Mike Eh?

Stranger I said, want to see?

Mike See what?

Stranger Do you want to see what the “Circus Nativity” might look like? I could show you, if you want.

Lilith (Sighing) Oh, give me a break… This isn’t in the rules, you cheat!

Stranger What is it that you and Coll always used to say…? “Make ‘em laugh!” (Seriously) When was the last time you laughed, Mike? I mean, really laughed?

Mike Is this some kind of wind-up, cause if it is…

Stranger Cool it, take a drink and look…

Mike takes a drink and spits it out. Lilith sniffs the bottle.

Mike Irn-Bru…?

He stares ahead of him as the Lights fade.

Music

The Lights come up on Scene Three and the start of “The-Play-Within-The-Play”.

So, in this our second extract, let’s also give you a wee taste of “The Play-Within-The-Play”…. The Shepherds are relaxing in their Bothy when they hear Mack approaching.

Mack is heard, off, singing tunelessly.

Coll Who is that who pipes so poor?

Mack enters.

Mack Would God ye knew how I faired…
For this weather I be not prepared!

Lo, a man that walks on the moor,
And has not all his will!

No food for my fill,

My belly to cure!

Davie Is he come? Then each one hide your things!

They gather up their belongings and hide them from him.

Mack What? I am a yeoman, I tell ye, of the king’s!

Swans about, speaking in a “posh” voice.

Mack The self and the same, sent on a great Crusade,
And such! Me ye must not dissuade!
Fie on ye! Go hence,
Out of my presence!
I must have reverence,
Or thy heads shall require severance!

Mack suddenly “recognises” them, patting them on their backs, sending them flying all over the place.

Mack God save ye all three!

Me thought I had seen ye!
Ye are a fair company!

Gibbie Thus late as ye goes,

What will men suppose?
That ye have a sneaky nose
For stealing sheep!

Mack And I am true as steel, or else ye know not…

He eyes up their food.

Mack But a sickness I feel that holds me full hot!
My belly fares not well…It is out of estate!

Davie We see ye’ve lost some weight!

They laugh at Mack’s pot-belly.

Mack Therefore,
Full sore am I and ill!
As true as I stand stone still,
I eat not a noodle this month and more!
Nay, not a score!

Coll How fares thy wife, Mack?  

Others Aye, how fares she?

Mack Lies sprawling by the fire, she do…
With a house full of brats! She drinks well too…
Eats as fast as she can!

Edges towards the food and sits down.

Mack And every year that comes to man,
She brings forth another brat, and some years two!

He helps himself, spraying the food everywhere.

Mack But were I now more gracious never to grovel,
I were eaten out of house and of hovel!
Yet is she a foul wench!
The sooner from her I would wrench!
If ye come near her person,
There is none that neither believes nor knows a worse ‘un!

Gibbie So wearied in waking is none in this shire… (Yawns)
I would sleep if I took less for my hire.

Leans against Coll and dozes off.

Davie I am cold and would have a fire.

He too leans against Coll to get some heat.

Coll I am weary for walking and running in the mire… (To Gibbie)
Wake up!
Thy sleepy heads shake up.
The red, red robin needs, methinks, to retire!

Gibbie Nay! I will lie down by,
For I must sleep truly…

He yawns, snorts and falls down, curling up.

Davie (Dropping off) As good a man’s son as any of ye was I …

He too yawns, snorts and falls down beside Gibbie. Coll starts yawning and sits down beside them.

Coll But Mack… Come hither!
Between us ye down lie!

During this Mack has been eyeing up the sheep.

Mack (Pretending to yawn) Aye, that I will so…

He squeezes in between them and they all curl up together, snoring and snorting. Lilith enters ludicrously dressed as a “Pantomime Devil” and whispers in his ear. He giggles. She bows to the Audience and exit, laughing melodramatically.

Mack (Ensuring they’re asleep) Lord, they sleep hard… That may ye all hear!
Coll be “bottom-burping” too, the old dear!

More snorting and snoring. He tries a few times to extricate himself.

Mack Was I never a shepherd, but now I’ll show no fear…
If the flock be scared, yet shall I nip near…?

Music – The Theme from “ Mission Impossible” [TV Series]

He tiptoes towards the sheep. They “baa”. The Shepherds stir. He runs back to them and lies between them, singing them a lullaby. They go back to sleep. He extricates himself and sneaks towards the sheep again. Again the sheep “baa” and the Shepherds begin to stir again. He grabs a wolf skin blanket, lies down and covers himself with it. The others wake up and Mack suddenly “levitates”. Half-asleep, they look at each other, scream and run off. He now has free reign to steal from the flock – with the “Lamb” in the Audience.

Mack Roast mutton this night,
And cold mutton for the morrow!
A fat sheep I dare say,
Shall comfort us okay!
Repay it when I may…
But this will I borrow,
And fiddlesticks to sorrow!

He grabs one of the Lambs and runs off. The Lights fade.

 Extracts © Copyright 2006 by AA Pantos. All Rights Reserved.

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