The Amazing Adventures of Sherbert DippCharactersBLOSSOM BUTTERCUP The Good
Fairy ALSO FEATURING THE WITCH OF TALON; THE DEMON KING; THE
FAIRY QUEEN; ABANAZAR; THE WICKED FAIRY; ARMPITS ARTHUR; THE UGLY SISTERS Sample SceneOne of the many Slapstick
routines - or "Slosh Scenes" as they are sometimes referred to - is
"Tea Time". A group of disparate individuals sit down for tea... and
all hell breaks loose! BLOSSOM enters. She surveys the scene and laughs BLOSSOM Here! Steady the Buffs! Nobody told me it was "The Chimpanzee's Tea Party"! Who's the "wrinklies"? SCARLETT Cheek! We ain't got wrinkles... PANDORA They're laughter lines! BLOSSOM Oh, c'mon... Nothing's that funny. (to SPATULA) Right then, Chalk-face, what's your pleasure? SPATULA There's nothing on this table that I ordered. We'll have some "French Fancies". BLOSSOM "French Fancies" is off. They wasn't French and nobody really fancied them. SPATULA In that case, we'll have some Chelsea Buns. BLOSSOM Chelsea Buns is off too. Not enough "flour". FANG Any eggs? BLOSSOM Yes. MALEVOLA Fresh? BLOSSOM No idea. I only laid the table. SPATULA What have you got that isn't "off"? BLOSSOM Cream cakes and whipped cream. The others look at each other knowingly SPATULA I see. So, it's going to be one of those Tea Parties! Get us five sodas and lime. As for the rest, serve whatever you like. BLOSSOM Suit yourselves. You was warned, remember. On your own head be it. SPATULA (Resignedly) It probably will. BLOSSOM Fasten your seat belts! It's going to be a bumpy night! (exits) PANDORA (To SPATULA) Tell me handsome, are you courting? Canoodling? Trying to get off with anybody? SPATULA I beg your pardon? SCARLETT Are you going steady? SPATULA You've lost me. SCARLETT Is there somebody with their feet under the table? SPATULA Er, no. PANDORA He don't know what he's missing! Am I right, Scar? SCARLETT Right down the line, Pan. PANDORA Know what you need around here? SCARLETT A woman's touch. PANDORA Yes... A Countess Spectacular! SPATULA (Gulping) A Countess? MALEVOLA and FANG smirk at his obvious discomfort. SCARLETT and PANDORA move closer and closer to him PANDORA Somebody beautiful? SCARLETT Elegant? PANDORA Chic? SCARLETT Sophisticated? PANDORA Fashionable? SCARLETT Available? PANDORA Desperate? He leans back and their heads collide SPATULA No thank you. I'm happy to be a bachelor boy. BLOSSOM comes in with glasses and a soda siphon and dumps them on the table. She is about to exit when MALEVOLA calls her back MALEVOLA What's this, you incompetent woman? The Master specifically ordered five sodas and lime. BLOSSOM Away you go a haunt a house! Lime's off. The builder's couldn't spare any. You'll have to make do with soda... SPATULA Talk about "contrived". BLOSSOM Cream cakes coming up! She exits. FANG fiddles with the soda SPATULA Don't touch that! FANG Why, plithee? He presses the button. A spray of soda water shoots across the table. MALEVOLA is directly in its flight path. SPATULA is amused SPATULA That's why. MALEVOLA Fool! How did you manage that? FANG By plessing so... The same thing happens again. She rises angrily and goes to his end of the table MALEVOLA Give me that! FANG Certainry! She gets in the face again. She snatches the siphon from him, pushes the nozzle down the back of his collar and presses the button FANG Aiwa! They fight over the soda siphon SPATULA Children! Children of the night! They continue to struggle. SPATULA snaps his fingers and they reluctantly return to their seats, sticking out their tongues and making faces to each other PANDORA Shame. We was really enjoying the cabaret, Count Spanner. SPATULA "Spatula", Miss Pandora. PANDORA "Pan", remember. And the "Miss" is temporary, I hope... (looks in handbag) The rubbish us girls put in their handbags! Look... mistletoe and an engagement ring! SPATULA Yes... Well. Ahem! You must call me "Spats". BLOSSOM comes in with three cream cakes and sets them down MALEVOLA Only three? BLOSSOM Nothing was said about servant's joining in. I've only enough scran for three. Tell you what. I'll give you a nice big dish of whipped cream! She skips off. SPATULA loudly sighs. PANDORA and SCARLETT immediately seize a cake each. MALEVOLA beats FANG to the third, much to his annoyance
SCARLETT Poor "Spam". He ain't got no cake! SPATULA "Spam"? (to her) Quite frankly, Scarlett my dear, I don't care for "Spam". It's "Spats", remember? SCARLETT Have mine. PANDORA No, no... Have mine. SCARLETT I offered mine host mine first! PANDORA Ignore her. Mine's is bigger. SCARLETT Like your nose! Mind your own business! PANDORA I'm giving him mine! SCARLETT No, you're not! PANDORA Yes, I am! SCARLETT Not! PANDORA Am! SCARLETT Shut your gob! She aims her cake at PANDORA. SPATULA ducks in time and her cake finds the target - PANDORA'S face. FANG finds this highly amusing and rocks back and forth in his chair, laughing. PANDORA wipes her face with a napkin and becomes aware of his hilarity at her expense. As he rocks forward again, she slides her own cake across the table. FANG'S face dips straight into it, much to PANDORA'S mirth. He grabs the soda siphon and aims it at... And so the mayhem continues... CLICK
HERE to "dipp" into
the mess again
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