Ali Baba & The Cave of Doom
Characters
THE STORYTELLER A
Weaver of Dreams
CHEEPIN' NASTI A Villainous
Vulture
SUMAC An Evil Genie
TWINKLE TINKLE
Bella’s Little Sister
BELLA TINKLE The Genie-al Dame
MAJOR JITTERS The Head Genie
SNITCH A Tatty Tartar
SNOTRAG His Silly Sidekick
HASSARAC Their Cut-Throat Chieftain
MORGIANA Ali Baba's Beloved
ALI BABA Our Hero!
CASSIM BABA His Wealthy Uncle
SHIRAZ The Sultana of Samarkand
NEDDI Ali Baba's Donkey*
KHARIS The Guardian of the Cave
CHORUS OF GENIES, PALACE SERVANTS, ROBBERS
& C
(*Alternatively can be a Panto Horse, a Camel
called "Mustapha
Sopwith" or a dog wittily called "Mustapha
Woopsi")
We can only apologise for the
following "cross-talk" between Hassarac ,
his two sidekicks, Snitch and Snotrag, and Cheepin'
Nasti, who is hiding, but can't resist joining in. It was
originally devised by the authors walking through the streets of Edinburgh,
heading for a Panto rehearsal and ad-libbing the while. We were sober at the
time, honestly...
SNITCH What news, O
Hassarac? O Scourge of Samarkand! What
news? Have you found a place to stash our ill-gotten gains?
SNOTRAG
Have you found a permanent
place to stash our ill-gotten gains? I don’t wish to complain…
HASSARAC Silence,
fool! You dare to question my evil genius? Any more insubordination and
I'll be forced to slit yer throat from ear to ear!
SNOTRAG From here to
where?
HASSARAC From ear to
ear!
SNITCH From where to
where?
HASSARAC From
that ear to that ear!
SNOTRAG
Where’s ‘ere?
HASSARAC
This ear!
SNITCH
This ‘ere where?
HASSARAC
That there ear!
SNOTRAG
Which ear?
HASSARAC
This ear to that ear!
SNITCH My
ear?
HASSARAC
His
ear!
SNOTRAG
I know I’m ‘ere...
HASSARAC
I mean from there to there!
SNITCH
Where’s there?
HASSARAC This
there!
SNOTRAG
This there where?
HASSARAC
Your
there!
SNITCH
I know I’m here... You’ve told me that already. (Coyly) Silly
goose…
HASSARAC
I’ve had enough of this ‘ere nonsense...
SNITCH,
SNOTRAG Ear, Ear!
HASSARAC
(Suddenly suspicious)
Three voices? We’re undone! Some
spy is near!
SNITCH
Undone?
(To Snotrag)
Are you undone?
SNOTRAG
I’ve no idea…
Hang on… I’ll have a shufti, to make sure… (Quick check)
There’s no flies on me, mate... I’m secure!
HASSARAC
To arms, the Forty Thieves! There’s
no denying,
The sight of Forty Thieves is forty-fying!
I’ll boil in oil all fools who dare attack,
The hideout of the hunky Hassarac!
SNOTRAG
(Not
so keen)
We’re in a pickle, boss...
HASSARAC
I’ll not be flustered…
There’ll be no pickle when the troops are muster’d!
Arise! Let every hidden sissy know,
And fear our battle-cry forty-ssimo!
Want to "ear" more?
Then send for this 'ere script!
CLICK
HERE to sample this scintillating
scene again
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